Mr Gaines' Nephew
by Chrish
Summary: Craziness ensues as Carla enlists one of her children to work at the BAR. Hey, it's Cheers.. R&R. Oneshot, complete.


INT - CHEERS - WOODY STAND BEHIND THE BAR, CLIFF AND NORM ARE AT THEIR USUAL SEATS, REBECCA WALKS OUT OF HER OFFICE, AND WALKS BEHIND THE BAR OVER TO NORM.  
  
CLIFF  
Eh, so how are things on the other side of the bar, Becca?  
  
REBECCA  
Nothing much... exept that Mr. Peterson's tab has gone up double what it was last month. Norm?  
  
CLIFF  
Uhh... He's been kinda tired today.  
  
Norm is dead asleep.  
  
REBECCA  
Ughh....  
  
NORM  
Whaaat do you want?  
  
Norm sounds drugged up.  
  
REBECCA  
I said, would you like to come over for turkey tonight and seven.  
  
WOODY  
Hey, Ms. Howe, you should have Texan turkey, its great, especially when you cook it on a fire...  
  
REBECCA  
UGH!!  
  
Rebecca stomps off. Norm sits up.  
  
NORM  
Did it work?  
  
CLIFF  
Yep.  
  
NORM  
High Five.  
  
They high five.  
  
SONG: 'CHEERS'  
  
  
INT - SAM AND CARLA.  
  
SAM  
Soo... Carla how are the kids doing?  
  
CARLA  
Well, Ludlow got stuck in the sewer last week, Oh yeah, and Serafina fell in love with a bum.  
  
SAM  
Ludlow... Serafina.. Who else is there?  
  
CARLA  
Please, Sam. Did Rebecca say she'd go out with you if you'd name all my kids, again?  
  
SAM  
Dang, how'd you know?  
  
CARLA  
Heh.. Since you seem so interested in my kids I suppose you wouldn't mind watching Ludlow while I go out for dinner tonight.  
  
SAM  
Ludlow... Serafina...  
  
CARLA  
GREAT! I'll drop him off here at five.  
  
---  
  
INT - FRASIER, LILITH, AND FREDERICK.  
  
FRASIER  
So, gracious family, what should we do today?  
  
LILITH  
How about I go shopping while you watch Frederick, dear?  
  
FRASIER  
Shopping? I thought you had everything you needed right here?  
  
LILITH  
Where..? Where, Frasier?  
  
FRASIER  
Ehem..  
  
LILITH  
Oh, right... You are all I need, Oh baby, Oh baby....  
  
FRASIER  
I thought so...  
  
---  
  
  
INT - CHEERS - PULL INTO - Carla, Ludlow, and Eddie.  
  
CARLA  
Now you be good for Uncle Sammy.  
  
LUDLOW  
But he's such a scary person..  
  
Sam leans over from the bar.  
  
SAM  
What?  
  
CARLA  
He says he likes your hair.  
  
SAM  
Oh.. Well...  
  
LUDLOW  
..... Err....  
  
CARLA  
Now, if Mr. Malone tries to pull anything funny. Sullittt -motions slitting throat action-.  
  
LUDLOW  
Don't worry mom, I think I can handle him.  
  
CARLA  
All right.  
  
Carla walks up to Sam.  
  
CARLA  
His cage is in the back.  
  
SAM  
Gotcha  
  
---  
  
Carla and Eddie begin to leave.  
  
EDDIE  
So, sweetie, where should we go first? My house or the restuarant?  
  
CARLA  
Hmm.... YOUR HOUSE..   
  
  
-- PULL BACK TO LUDLOW AND SAM.  
  
LUDLOW  
Can I see a dictionary?  
  
SAM  
What do you need one for?  
  
LUDLOW  
Mom said your picture is by 'Stupid' in the dictionary.  
  
SAM  
She did, did she?  
  
Sam turns around.  
  
SAM  
Woody, do you gotta dictionary?  
  
Woody pulls out a dictionary.  
  
WOODY  
Sure, Sam, I carry one everywhere.  
  
Sam grabs it.  
  
SAM  
Thanks.  
  
He begins skimming through it.  
  
SAM  
Stupid..... S-T-Y... S-T-U.. Wait..  
  
  
INT - CHEERS SIGN - PULL IN - Ludlow is sitting on Norm's seat, and Cliff looks at him.  
  
CLIFF  
I dont think you should be sitting there.  
  
LUDLOW  
Why not?  
  
CLIFF  
Thats Norm's seat.  
  
LUDLOW  
Who's Norm?  
  
Cliff turns and looks at Woody.  
  
CLIFF  
WHAT IS THAT?  
  
WOODY  
Oh, thats Carla's kid, Ludlow, right?  
  
LUDLOW  
Yep!  
  
CLIFF  
Thats why..  
  
  
Suddenly Norm appears by the door, he awaits his usual shout "NORM!!" He doesn't get it. Woody looks up.  
  
WOODY  
NORM!  
  
NORM  
The nineties...Geez...  
  
Norm walks over to his stool, and see's Ludlow.  
  
NORM  
AHH, ALIENS HAVE TAKEN MY SEAT, TOO!  
  
WOODY  
That's not an Alien, its Carla's kid, Ludlow.  
  
NORM  
LIKE I SAID, AN ALIEN TOOK MY SEAT!  
  
Suddenly Rebecca rushes out of the office.  
  
REBECCA  
THE MOST AMAZING THING IS HAPPENING! THE BOSS, MR. PRICE, WELL, HIS NEPHEW IS COMING TO CHEERS TO VISIT! OH MY GOD, IM SO EXCITED, IF HE LIKES IT, I COULD GET BOOSTED UP TO A HIGHER LEVEL, NOT LIKE I LOVE ALL YOU GUYS.. DID I SAY THAT ALOUD? I THINK IM GOING TO FAINT!  
  
SAM  
Here..  
  
He runs over to her.  
  
SAM  
I'll catch you.  
  
REBECCA  
I wish.  
  
SAM  
SHE DOES, PAY UP, CLIFF, NORM, WOODY.  
  
REBECCA  
Ha, Ha, Ha.. Hey, Where's Carla?  
  
WOODY  
Oh-uh, she went out on a date with Eddie.  
  
REBECCA  
WHAT? WE NEED HER, OUR WAITRESS! WHO IS GOING TO REPLACE HER!!?!?  
  
Suddenly someone tugs on her dress. Rebecca flips around not seeing anything.  
  
REBECCA  
NOW THE INVISIBLE MEN ARE TEASING ME!!   
  
LUDLOW  
Uhm... Down here.  
  
Rebecca looks down.  
  
LUDLOW  
Hi, Im Ludlow Tortelli, Carla's boy. I bet I could help. I know all about Mom's job.  
  
REBECCA -Laughing-  
HAHAHAHA, YOU?.. A kid.. -looks around-... Woody, get him a suit.  
  
  
INT - PULL BACK INTO - CHEERS - AS CHAD enters, a ravishling, young redhead, wearing a decent suit and a red tie. Rebecca runs over to him.  
  
REBECCA  
OH OH OH! Mr. Gaines' Nephew! How Nice To meet you, Im Rebecca Howe!  
  
CHAD  
I have a name. Chad.  
  
SAM  
Yeah, Rebecca, he has name.  
  
  
REBECCA  
Oh, right, Chad, so -tossles hair-, what would you like to drink?  
  
CHAD  
Just my regular?  
  
REBECCA  
Get him his regular.  
  
SAM  
What IS his regular?  
  
REBECCA  
Just make him something.... So-ah.. Do you think the place looks good?  
  
CHAD  
Ah, fairly decent.  
  
Ludlow walks over carrying a tray with a drink on it.  
  
LUDLOW  
Here you go.  
  
Ludlow takes the glass and is about to hand it over to the man when he drops it in his lap.  
  
CHAD  
AHH! HOW DARE YOU! YOU LITTLE BRAT!  
  
Rebecca jumps up.  
  
CHAD  
WHAT IS A RODENT LIKE HIM DOING HERE?  
  
REBECCA  
Uhh...  
  
Sam walks up to the situation.  
  
SAM  
He's not a rodent, Mr. Gaines. YOU ARE!  
  
CHAD  
IM SHOCKED!  
  
SAM  
We don't want to serve people like you in our bar. Get out.  
  
Chad backs off, and begins walking out, Rebecca glares at Sam then runs up to Chad.  
  
REBECCA  
Leaving so soon, Mr. Gaines' Nephew?!!? Ahahaha?  
  
CHAD  
Yes, indeed. And I am never coming here again!  
  
REBECCA  
UH-UH WAIT!! NO! PLEASE!  
  
Chad ignores her and stomps out.  
  
REBECCA  
WE'RE SCREWED! SCREWED SCREWED SCREWED!  
  
WOODY  
Oh-uh, whats wrong, Ms. Howe?  
  
REBECCA  
..WHATS WRONG? WHATS WRONG? I'LL TELL YOU WHATS WRONG, FARMBOY. WHATS WRONG IS MR. GAINES' NEPHEW HATES US, AND IS GOING TO KICK US OUT ON THE STREETS, THATS WHATS WRONG.  
  
WOODY  
Oh, uhmm.. I dont think so, Kelly called, she said that Mr. Gaines' Nephew went downtown, he said he doesn't like bars.  
  
REBECCA  
What? Then who was that?!!??  
  
Cliff walks in.  
  
CLIFF  
Hey-a, Mayday, have you seen my nephew around? I told him I'd meet him here.  
  
REBECCA  
Oh, Dear Lord, I think Im going to faint.  
  
SAM  
Let me catch you.  
  
Sam runs up to Rebecca, putting his hand behind her and grabbing her. Rebecca reaches up and smacks Sam, Credits role.  
  
SAM  
Ow, that hurt.  
  
OMG, My first Cheers thing, please review, tell me how MUCH humor I lack, Please. -dies.- 


End file.
